Today marks the 80th anniversary of one of the greatest underdog stories in history, The Tortoise and the Hare.  But this article isn’t about the turtle revolution.  No, this article is about the downfall of rabbits in our society.  FACT: The average rabbit makes 85 cents to the human’s dollar.  FACT: teen-pregnancy in rabbits tripled in the last 5 years.  FACT:  The major exports of Argentina are meat, wheat, maize, oilseeds, hides, and wool.  This may startle many of you but the facts are there, rabbits are being mistreated in today’s world.


Once upon a time humans, rabbits, turtles, wizards, and even Germans lived happily together, but sadly not happily ever after.  We all know the tale of how wizards split from the group, to live in peace by themselves.  And no one will ever forget the whole German thing.  But rabbits, have any of you noticed the decline of rabbit senators in the last two decades?  Even Easter, the most cherished bunny day, has lost its popularity in recent years.  The simple truth is our society is turning its back on the furry friend.

HolyBunnyHolyTalesBruno Mangilo, most commonly known under his pen name “Bunny Man” discussed the matter of bunny discrimination in his 1986 book  Holy Bunny Holy Tales.  Sadly, the popularity of the book was overshadowed by the coming of the Teenage Mutant Ninja television series.  Nonetheless, Bunny Man made some uncanny predictions of the future, many of which have already occurred.  If the Clinton administration would have put more credit in the book they could have helped avoid the horrible rabbit genocide in Australia, which killed at least 15 bunnies to date.

Bunny Man also discussed how the rabbit decline can be totally credited to the great race between the tortoise and the hare.  As I have said, today marks the 80th anniversary of that race.  For 80 years the cottontail creatures have been slapped with the stick of injustice.  Ask any of your friends, the common theory of rabbits is that they are all arrogant ass holes.  As a guy who has many friends, that happen to be bunnies, I can tell you most of them are nice.  They just want to be considered equals.  It is sad that one rabbit has ruined the reputation of an entire species.

This issue has just starting to poke its ears out of the bunny hole, pun definitely intended.  In Arkansas, a public speaker would not give a speech on spousal abuse in front of a group of rabbits.  Down by the Mississippi, a hotel refused to give rooms to a family of bunnies, claiming that their rooms can’t accommodate a family of furry creatures.  But there is photographic proof that Robin Williams and his family stayed there no more than 3 months ago.  Stories like these exist all around the globe.

Now I’m not saying that you are all racists.  I’m just saying that many of you have preconceived opinions that are not based on reason or actual experiences.  We all have to stand up and shout for rabbit rights.  I give this challenge to all of you, go out this weekend and befriend a rabbit, you wont be disappointed.


Garfield on Garfield – by James A. Garfield

Something I have been asked to comment on time and time again is my opinion on the comic-strip Garfield.  Before I give my opinion, I just want it known that just because we share the same name does not mean there is some spiritual connection between us.  That being said, I want it known that I adore that Monday-hating, lasagna-loving, fur ball!

I hate to admit it, but I really fell in love with the orange cat in the late 80’s with his hit Saturday morning show Garfield and Friends.  Don’t get me wrong, I like reading but there is just a simple peace at mind when you can just lay back on your old Victorian-style sofa, and space out at the ol’ boob tube.

It was love at first sound.  Oh, Garfield’s voice (played then by the incomparable Lorenzo Music) was music to my ears (pun not intended, but totally adds to the the grand mystic of an amazing voice talent).  Today I find it interesting that Bill Murray replaced him for the film version and he replaced Bill Murray for the cartoon version of Ghostbusters.  We often find these connections in life.  Not quite the same, but Abraham Lincoln’s son, Todd, was my secretary of war.  Abe and I were the first two Presidents assassinated while in office.  That is kind of an odd connection.  I mean if I was at a bus stop chatting about interesting connections I would most likely bring up the Garfield/Ghostbusters one and not my own personal one, but I still feel it is an interesting happening.

Now, I can ramble on for hours about the cartoon.  I could easily discuss U.S. Acres, or as I like to refer to them, the Barnyard Buddies (I like alliteration).  I could discuss the out-off-sight theme song, that always ended with a clever quip by the feline himself (personal favorite “Hey Heathcliff, eat your heart out”). But I wont.  It is obvious that the show was radically-super-awesome, there is no need for me to say that again and again.  Sadly, the same goes for the movies.  They are so awful there is no need for me to comment on them.  I will say this.  I would rather watch The View back when Rosie O’Donnell was on than watch the Garfield films (INTERESTING FACT: Both Rosie and Garfield get their fair-share of lasagna).

With the downfall of the films, Garfield may have died for many of you.  But let me send you along an internetic journey.  Garfield Minus Garfield.  Check that shit out.  It is amongst the funniest stuff I have ever had the pleasure to read, and I read the manuscripts to Huck Finn, twice.  If you don’t know, Garfield Minus Garfield just takes the Garfield Comics where Jon Arbuckle co-stars and removes Garfield.  This lets us into the world of a very disturbed pet owner.

Garfield has meowed and lazily eaten his way into all of our hearts.  Many may wonder why, but  It is quite obvious.  Have an awesome name that makes others think of an outgoing, diligent, hard-working, ex-president.  Why do you think Lincoln Logs are played with so much and Clinton Pacifiers flopped?